i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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