please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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