I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
