Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
