Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
