i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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