3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
