I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found puke in my bra..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
