girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
