i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
and you fell through a lawn chair
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
