dude i'm inner monologue high
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
