I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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