I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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