haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
there is puke in my bra ... again
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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