the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
