I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
