May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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