Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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