I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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