K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So apparently I’m into choking now
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
