Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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