Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
