That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
