mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
