Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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