He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
