One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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