Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can tuck mytits in my pants
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
