Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
