its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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