gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
