i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
