Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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