she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
