some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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