Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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