My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we're making bets on your personal life
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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