the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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