I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
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And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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