I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
