You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
