I want to have your abortion
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
