Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
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You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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