so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
