What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
