whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
