every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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