I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
