i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
