I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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