if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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