I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
