There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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