Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
operation have a gay friend backfired
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
