So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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