they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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