she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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