your thong is hanging out like whoa
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can text with my tongue
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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