I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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