thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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