I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
