He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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