The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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